GM3YEW > HUMOUR 26.11.17 13:03l 186 Lines 5595 Bytes #20 (0) @ WW
BID : 13081_GB7YEW
Subj: Jokes 26/11
Sent: 171126/1100Z 13081@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.14
As Grandmother used to say
Onion skins thick and tough, coming winter hard and rough
Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an
Accident. In court, the company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded
My favourite mule, Bessie, into the . . ."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the
Question. Did you, or did you not say, 'I'm fine'?"
Farmer Joe continued, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
Was driving down the road . . ."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the
Fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman
That he was just fine. Now, several months after the accident, he is suing
My client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the
But the judge was interested in Farmer Joe's story and said to the lawyer,
I'd like to hear what he has to say about his mule, Bessie.
Joe thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just
Loaded Bessie, my favourite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down
The highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and
Smacked my truck right in the side.
"I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was
Hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie
Moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
"Shortly after the accident, a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could
Hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at
Her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman
Came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.
"He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.
How are you feeling?'"
Question: What is the difference between men and puppies?
Answer: Puppies grow up.
Question: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...
Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Lay them properly once and you can walk all over them
Question: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one
Would hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????
Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answer: I) no mind ii) no business
Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.
Question: What is the difference between men and pigs?
Answer: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention of
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
Intention of driving.
Question: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
Answer: Exchange him!!
Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.
Material of a sexual nature follows
A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress..
A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought
a ticket and sat down.
There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was an old Scotsman.
Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed
all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the
shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded
sign for the same circus and
The same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'.
He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act!
He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered
The coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But ! I have to know something.
You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?
''Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be.'
"The National Westminster Bank admitted last month that it keeps personal
Information about its customers, such as their political affiliation, on
Computer. But now Computer Weekly reveals that a financial institution,
Sadly unnamed, has gone one better and moved into the realm of personal
The institution decided to mailshot 2000 of its richest customers, inviting
Them to buy extra services. One of its computer programmers wrote a program
To search through its databases and select its customers automatically. He
Tested the program with an imaginary customer called Rich Bastard.
Unfortunately, an error resulted in all 2000 letters being addressed "Dear
The luckless programmer was subsequently sacked."
73 de dave
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